The Buxtonmarauder/Ammonyte conjecture: How much is "Too Much Beer", exactly?
Is it possible to drink too much beer on a night out? Is there an ideal amount of beer to consume? I’ve been pondering this ever since Buxtonmarauder posed the question on twitter.
Now here we are in the twenty-first century, I think we should be able to answer this with the use of mathematics. I’m sure it is the type of problem Professor Charles Epps can solve in the time it takes him to have a small bowel movement.
So lets begin:-
If T = too much beer, then E (enough beer) must be T – 1
We can calculate the amount of beer it is possible to purchase in an evening out as follows:-
M = money available, Mt = money required for transport home and maybe a kebab on the way, so
Mb (money for beer) is M – Mt
and if P = price per pint then
Mb/P = N where N is the number of beers it is possible to purchase
So, does N = E ? If N > E then it follows that N = T (too much beer), however
If N < E then I (inebriatedness) < H (happiness)* and equilibrium has not been achieved.
Well that is about where my mathematical skills run out, as I only got to ‘O’ level standard (mind you this was back in the day when that was a real qualification and these days I’d be considered a right ruddy genius with all the dumbed-down trash they teach nowadays), so I’m going to throw the problem out to the better minds on the Internet to see if they can solve the problem.
Next Time:- Can Hangovers be cured by Venn diagrams or is there an iPhone app for that?
*note the correct spelling of happiness has been used. It emphatically is not spelt with a y, whatever Hollywood thinks.
...ravings from the Shell... 
Gawd almighty!
As the wife old an old drinking buddy pointed out, i forgot to include the (inevitable) whisky at the end of the evening.
OK, so should we include the whisky? If so, then:-
E = Eb (enough beer) + w (whisky) or
E = Eb + 2w since one whisky leads to another
I fear there are many more parameters in this equation…
I tend to start on beers with lower strength (lABV) – and hence price – then move to stronger ones (hABV), before realising I’m heading rapidly towards E, and revert to mABV to try and avoid T.
Then there’s the impact of the late arrivals trying to Catch Up.
And the possible use of Tactical Half(Ta1/2), or even Ta Chunder.
And finally, if you’re only using the M in your own pocket, you’re drinking with the wrong crowd !
Well this is, of course, precisely why I have called upon Higher Minds for assistance.
I think an initial theorem will have to assume a standard ABV and a standard (or average) P, and maybe M will be the Sum of all M (minus travel & kebab)