Winnie The Pooh and the Social Workers

Apparently a superhero from the past is poised to make a comeback. However, there will have to be a few changes to bring him up to date.

He will be a traveller currently encamped in 40.4685 Hectare Wood, Christopher Robin will be a dusky hue, Eyeore will be a lesbian, and piglet will become a goat to avoid offending muslims. Instead of being a bear of very little brain, he will come “special needs bear”, and the hunny will become Raw Agave Nectar (which comes from the cactus plant, it has a low glycemic index much lower than honey). Oh and Tigger (my favourite! boing! boing!) will be on ritalin as he clearly has ADHT.

The game of Pooh-sticks will be revised to meet health-and-safety regulations, you can’t use real sticks, it’ll have to be plastic wands. The players will have to wear hard hats, life-preservers and dayglo safety jackets, eye and ear protection, and be secured to the bridge by safety lines and harnesses, and only after completing a 30 page risk assessment form, and lodging a public liability insurance premium. All participants also need vaccination against Weils disease and should be checked for ticks (lymes disease) after venturing into the 40.4685 hectare wood.