I will say this only once, then the matter is closed.  I will brook no comment or discussion upon the matter.  This is for information only.

I decided it was time it had a name, so I considered many possibilities.  Menacing ones like Vishnu or Mars, fluffy ones like Bambi or Jocelyn.  After a brief flirtation with Melvin, I settled on Harold.  Your first melanoma should have a name, I realise I can’t give them all names now, can’t even see all the ones on my back to count or scratch them properly, so I just think of them as the Brownnotes.

My arm and shoulder ache most of the time from referred pain around my liver, constant pain resides in my stomach and the headaches can last a week and resist medication.  And although I can walk 25 miles with a rucksack or cycle 50 miles off-road, I can be totally worn-out at the end of a day just spent loafing and surfing the twitweb.  The giddy spells are more frequent, as are the tremors in my hands and we’ll ignore the hard lumps in my legs.  And the tinnitus contines to grow louder.  I can go on, but I’m already bored by this listing.

I haven’t sought treatment, I will never seek treatment.  I’m tired of trying to kill myself, at least my body is now co-operating.

I will not speak of this again.  I hate people who whine about their aches and pains.  Get it fixed or shut the fuck up.  I will now shut the fuck up.  In case I do not get a chance (or if I forget to say this at the appropriate moment), then I now say “Goodbye”.

~ by @mmonyte on November 14, 2008.

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