Life is a Lemon (and I want my money back)

There’s a reason I chose a black background to this blog.

Every night, before I go to sleep, I hope that I don’t wake up in the morning. If it has been a bad day, then it will mean that I don’t have to face another one. If it has been a good day, then at least I will die happy. This happens every day, no matter how good, how glorious, how enjoyable. And it has been going on as long as I can recall. I wanted to die before I got to 17, I hoped to die by 21, I expected to die by 40. I am disappointed to still be alive aged 48.

Mornings are actually worse, realising I have to get through another day. Stephen Fry put it best in his documentary “The Secret Life of the Manic Depressive” “I don’t actually want to kill myself, but by god, I wouldn’t mind dying”. So I take a face from the ancient gallery and I walk on down the hall.

Every time I walk beside a busy road, I look at the vehicles trying to calculate mass, velocity and pedestrian unfriendliness whilst thinking “This one or this one”? The same whilst sitting on railway stations, I watch the fast trains pass through and try and calculate how many seconds it’ll take me to intersect the engine and how far down the track it needs to be before I begin the run-up. Similarly, whilst on my Bike I ride along thinking “Now”? Maybe that’s why my navigation goes to pot sometimes.

They’re still racing out at the Trestles
But that blood it never burned in her veins
Now I hear she’s got a house up in Fairview
And a style she’s trying to maintain
Well if she wants to see me
You can tell her that I’m easily found
Tell her there’s a spot out ‘neath Abram’s Bridge
And tell her there’s a darkness on the edge of town

Everybody’s got a secret Sonny
Something that they just can’t face
Some folks spend their whole lives trying to keep it
They carry it with them every step that they take
Till some day they just cut it loose
Cut it loose or let it drag ’em down
Where no one asks any questions
Or looks too long in your face
In the darkness on the edge of town

Some folks are born into a good life
Other folks get it anyway anyhow
I lost my money and I lost my wife
Them things don’t seem to matter much to me now
Tonight I’ll be on that hill ’cause I can’t stop
I’ll be on that hill with everything I got
Lives on the line where dreams are found and lost
I’ll be there on time and I’ll pay the cost
For wanting things that can only be found
In the darkness on the edge of town

~ by @mmonyte on August 9, 2008.

2 Responses to “Life is a Lemon (and I want my money back)”

  1. … well I am glad that you are still alive

  2. I see a red door and I want to paint it black …

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