Cosmetic Science – More Implausible Bollocks

Advertisements for women’s cosmetics these days are full of pseudo-scientific phrases like “contains bio-eugenic super peptides”, and are “approved by the United Kingdom Dermatological Society”. What this in reality means is “some words our admen found in a thesaurus” and “approved by the same people who sold you the stuff”.

Today, whilst watching a l’oreal advert for lipstick, a claim was made that it made lips look fuller, whilst on the screen the text “47% of 34 women agreed” briefly flashed up. So, Ladies, are you going to buy a product because 16 women (who were probably paid £50 to take part in the survey) think it made their lips look fuller and 18 DIDN’T? I’m not sure whether to be more shocked that the company feel a statistic that shows that less than half the people surveyed agreed, or whether they thought that we would be impressed that they had conducted a thorough test using a massive sample of 34 women?! Presumably the researchers also advise the Zimbabwean Government on electoral matters.

Anyway girls, the answer is grease. If you put grease on your skin it will be softer and less wrinkled. If you put grease on your hair it will be shiny. So when you hear the phrase “super re-hydrated di-chlorophase polypeptides” remember it’s just grease (and some very lazy researchers)

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~ by @mmonyte on April 27, 2008.

4 Responses to “Cosmetic Science – More Implausible Bollocks”

  1. You know, I think this is absolutely hilarious! I know you are a bloke, but good on ya for exposing this crapola. A hint for all of you ladies? You know that old cold cream Ponds that Grandma used? Well REAL science says that is still the best!!!! BAR NONE. Its also amongst the cheapest. It ain’t fancy… it just works. Gee, what a concept!

  2. ROFL you know you might just be right, Zim definitely smacks of having the same researchers! Grease on the other hand sounds interesting I mean its so duel purpose and the ideas one can come up with are many… Just think all you have to do to stop a creaking door is kiss it!

  3. Last year a BBC documentary tested “premium” face creams against a cheap alternative from Boots. The cheap alternative out performed the premium brands and vanished from the shelves as hordes of locusts descended on their shops

  4. Whoa, what crappy stats L’Oreal used!

    We had a dental chewing gum commercial, where ‘4 out of 5 dentists recommended’ the stuff. At least that works out to over 50%.

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